Sometimes seeing red hearts and cupids in the store windows hurts. Sometimes witnessing the special smiles that couples share is painful. Sometimes the reminders of love deepen your grief. For some, this will be the first Valentine’s Day since your Valentine died. February is the month of Love, but it can be difficult if you are grieving.
The Old
Letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty. It does not mean forgetting the love you and your husband shared. Letting go means leaving behind the sorrow and pain of grief and choosing to go on. Sometimes, for fear of “letting go,” you may find yourself “holding on” to your pain as a way of remembering the love you have lost. You can choose the memories and experiences that enhance your ability to grow and expand your capacity for happiness.
The New
Your brain is naturally adaptable and seeks balance. Grief creates habits and beliefs in our minds that don’t serve us. Attention to your thoughts helps your brain shift, creating new pathways to rebuild your life. Make a conscious choice to focus on life thoughts and not grief thoughts. Take actions to implement the changes. Learning overrides fearful thinking. Even after a devastating loss, your true nature of evolving, creativity, and love will be restored as you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings.
The Shift
When you open up and stand in the perspective of choice, you begin to change your life. Renew your life by unlearning the habits of grief. Try this exercise:
Step 1
Connect to where you are presently in your grief journey. Ask yourself, “What thoughts come up for me when I focus on my grief?” Accept the grief that is here in this present moment. Write down a list of your thoughts and self-messages. For example, “I feel sad”, “I am afraid”.
Step 2
Next, start to shift your grief thoughts. Do this by writing opposites to your thoughts in the form of a new positive affirmation for each item. Use this new perspective to help you choose self love and life renewal. For example, “I am ready for happiness.” “I am brave.” When you connect emotionally with these new thoughts on a consistent basis, your life begins to change.
Step 3
Pause here. Let your mind have the space to be open and free. Invite your inner voice to emerge.
Step 4
Now, lean in to the positive affirmations you created for yourself. If one of your positive affirmations is “I am brave”, what area of your life can you bring bravery to this month?
Step 5
Write down three activities you can arrange to go with each positive affirmation. What would you like to do? Begin to explore the true essence of your inner being. What makes you feel alive? Try new hobbies, follow new interests. Lean in and get curious. Courage lies in your curiosity.
Grief is a part of you and not the whole you. Self-care and loving yourself isn’t always easy when dealing with grief. This February, lean in and make a positive shift from grief thoughts to life thoughts. Self care is essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs. Once you have explored what brings you joy and hope – what makes you feel alive – you can more easily integrate new activities and concepts in your life.
Wishing you many red hearts full of self-love this February.
~Laura